doubt

It's always been interesting to me how God comes through to "simply-broken people like me." It's never how "you think" you want or need it, ... but He always comes through, ... often in ways that make no sense.

I threw-up grace ... regurgitated, into the universe, my doubt, ...shirked the possibility of Nobel Existence for the sake of selfish death, ... and my good friends, ... who've experienced and lived with similar questions faith, ... asked me to read a book, ... which has been on my shelf for probably 3 years now, ... never having read it, ... up until now.

Brennan Manning (1990, 2000) writes in the "Ragamuffin Gospel:"

"You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek anything, do not perform anything, do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted."

If that happens to us, we experience grace" (Manning, 2000, p. 29).

... and wow, what an awakening.

Manning (2000) goes on earlier talking about coming to terms with that gift in saying, "My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it" (p. 27), ... and in reading that, .... like messages in bottles, ... I'm reminded of the mess that God finds me in, ... and I'm reminded of the belief that there is no-thing I need to do but accept Him accepting me.

My doubt has been temporarily erased, ... and when it comes back, ... and I know that it will, ... I will try to remember that there is no-thing I can do to make God love me more, ... and there is no-thing that I have done, ... or will do, ... to make God love me less.

He just loves me, ... and if I love Him (through Jesus) back ... nothing is impossible. When I follow our Brother toward our Father, ... I'm in Grace. And even when I don't follow, ... grace is till here, ... but He wants me like a father wants his son, .. . full of joy and peace, ... being humbled by the confidence of indescribable acceptance , ... and so my most important first-step is to listen and follow, .... knowing that our Father loves me too (!), regardless my worshiping moments and treasures of what's fallen.

"For grace proclaims the awesome truth that all is a gift. All that is good is ours not by right by by the sheer bounty of a gracious God. While there is much we may have earned -- our degree and our salary, our home and garden, a Miller Lite and a good night's sleep -- all this is possible only because we've been given so much: life itself, eyes to see and hands to touch, a mind to shape ideas, and a heart to beat with love" (Manning, 2000, p. 26).